I've never understood why people wait 12 weeks into their pregnancy to announce to the world that the Lord has blessed them! Sure, I know the whole superstition about miscarriage during the first 12 weeks, but that's never been something I've really, fully, grasped. Now, I do.
Beginning on Friday, I began to experience light "complications" which continually got worse and worse throughout the weekend. This morning, Thomas and I were at Dr. Hopkins' office from about 9:30 until 12:00 going through scans and tests and exams to confirm what our hearts already knew. The Lord decided to bring another of our precious babies back into His beautiful kingdom. We were back at 1:30 for more bloodwork and talked to the nurse soon thereafter since the Dr. was off bringing another baby into the world! Here's the rundown -
Yes, we had a miscarriage. However, it is suspected that I had an ectopic pregnancy, as opposed to a "normal" miscarriage. (Is there such a thing?) Beginning on Thursday I started having HORRIBLE back pains which radiated around my midsection and down into my leg. After a quick trip to the Dr., the nurse on call did a simple test to check for infections and when it came back negative, it was determined that it was just sciatic nerve (or something like that) pain. I went straight to the chiropractor where she worked on me for a while and really did make me feel better. (AFTER she stopped working on me...during HURT!) Then, everything started Friday night. I can't help but think that it's all somehow related. Not the miscarriage and the chiropractor, but the miscarriage and the back pain. We're facing blood draws again on Wednesday followed by weekly blood draws thereafter to determine if my hormone levels are dropping like they should be. If not, we may be faced with surgery to clear out any remaining tissue.
Now, after the physical pain of yesterday when it got REALLY bad, and after the emotional AND physical pain of today, we're beginning to heal. Thomas has been incredible during this time and, honestly, our marriage is already strengthened SO MUCH by going through this! We both know there is a reason that the Lord is allowing this to happen; and, even though we don't know what that reason is yet, we're at peace. Yes, we have our ups and downs, and probably will for some time, but all-in-all, we're doing okay! We'll be able to start trying to get pregnant in 3-4 months assuming that surgery isn't in the Lord's plan!
One of the worst parts of this whole experience? We saw TWO young girls there who had multiple children today. When I say young, I mean in their teens. And no, I'm not condemning them, nor judging them. However, it sure did STINK to be reeling from the pain of a miscarriage and watching a 15 or 16 year old girl walk in with her mother, her 1 year old and her two newborn twins. The funny thing was - I told Thomas I wanted to be angry, but who would we be angry at? There is no benefit to being angry at those girls, as I am no more deserving of God's blessings than they are! Since when did I become all high and mighty and above anyone else? The Lord doesn't look on sins as we do. A sin, is a sin, is a sin. And, until I go through a day, or heck, even an hour without having a bad thought or saying something I shouldn't have, I'm not any better than anyone else. I'm only a sinner, saved through God's amazing grace, trying to be a testimony, but failing miserably more times than I care to admit!
Motherhood:the fine line
1 month ago